Thursday, May 25, 2006
10:20 PM
The Art of Invisible Strength
wtf.
whats with the im only in the top 30% thing?
so what? like hello? i did my best; im not in the best class.
so dont expect me to get some top 5% because IVE REACHED MY LIMIT.
cant you tell that im trying my best? its quite obvious that you cant.
one cannot have best of both worlds. or rather, ALL worlds.
i believe that my studies, cca and friendships are all jumbled up already.
and you are not doing anything to help. i dont stay back to play, okay?
Why do some people just don't understand?
grean apple straw for my green tea big baby (:
but where was my big baby?!
today was erm, fun.
haha! though i was put off by a few small things.
its like im falling into a bottomless pit, why not just cling on to the sides and try climbing up?
i love the optimistic me! wahahaha! im a healthy teenager :D
yes, and according to rasputin, we shouldnt disclose any info that is non-benificial to us once people find out. haha!
hais, ID monologue during recess, i want plaaaaaaaaay ball!
anyway its quite late alr.
my dear ABRA, please get well soon (:
Rules of the Game
time and time again, after i re-read the posts, i feel helpless.
not helpless at not knowing how to rebut or argue back.
helpless at the way you cant tell things right from wrong.
its not that im entirely right, but there are some things which indeed were misunderstandings. i guess its a communication problem and we should really consider talking it out.
but i just cant bring myself to start talking to you again.
im sorry.
qihang is in less than a month's time!
HELP!
She doesn't want your apologies,
as it doesn't only seem as if the sky is falling.
It seems as if the world is ending.
I AM SUCH A SLACKER.
there is a social studies test tmr,
and im seriously not kanchiong about it.
im wasting my own time!
but i just feel like slacking.
and i failed my chinese, i got a D7.
this is what i call chinese torture!
i can imagine my mother's horrified face when she sees that grade.
abit last term was B3?
i wonder whether i can even maintain the L1R5 of 29, i shouldnt even expect so much as to L1R5 < 20
wenfeng, you can just sit down here and die ):
gei ni de ai yi zhi hen an jing
lai jiao huan ni ou er gei de guan xin
so luan now.
how can i act as if nothing has happened!!
but then again, i shouldnt be so affected.
celebrated esti's birthday during lunch.
we ran out to get ice cream, m&ms, flowers and candle.
mad rush la!
abit 2.15 weiting was still pia-ing her homework and joanne was still at the corridor yaking away.
then me and siowyu went out to buy.
and the product was GREAT (:
i enjoyed it. just that the matchsticks didnt like the candle, so it didnt pass the flame on to it, haha! and i realised so many people are afraid of lighting matchsticks! like siowyu and yiling!
they're such qian-jings!
and so, in the end weiting just lighted a match and asked esti to blow..
so comical! i guess we at alot of matchstick dust.
haha, im very amused by chuanping.
was laughing nonstop just now.
shes so ridiculous! haha!
anw its getting late. i want to SLEEP.
dead from training :/
The Twenty-Six Malignant Gates"Do not ride your bicycle around the corner," the mother had told the daughter when she was seven.
"Why not!" protested the girl.
"Because then I cannot see you and you will fall down and cry and I will not hear you."
"How do you know I'll fall?" whined the girl.
"It is in a book, The Twenty-Six malignant Gates, all the bad things that can happen to you outside the protection of this house."
"I don't believe you. Let me see the book."
"It is written in Chinese. You cannot understand it. That is why you must listen to me."
"What are they, then?" the girl demanded. "Tell me the twenty-six bad things."
But the mother sat knitting in silence.
"What twenty-six!" shouted the girl.
The mother still did not answer her.
"You can't tell me because you don't know! You don't know anything!" And the girl ran outside, jumped on her bicycle, and in her hurry to get away, she fell before she even reached the corner.
- The Joy Luck Club
When things go wrong, be thankful that you are given an opportunity to set things right, for not many are given a chance to correct the wrongs that they made!
just recieved an email to ws from emily, and at the bottom was that. so sweet right.
i really think its damn true.
i was so irritated this morning but i think i shouldnt stoop down to people's level, that's downgrading myself! the more people irk me the more i should tolerate and let people know im happy :D
ooh, anw natong is seriously very very dark. i cant stand it! i want to be dark too! natlow says her hand is like a guy's hand. i shall go for more beach trainings! then i can tan more.
yeah! jenn just informed me about truth class gathering! im so glad (:
i craved for swimming today. i reaaaally want to go swim now! but i just swam yesterday. i think im getting very cranky! anw, tomorrow is me and sarah's jiang hua yu tian. we shall speak chinese for the whole day, and if anyone uses another language, 10cents will go into the junk food fund from the person.
im so tired, and i dont know where to start from my homework.
although its not like i have a choice la.
we ended paiju at about 7.30?
i seriously am so screwed up ): how how?
i hope i dont screw up tmr's full dress. its so rushed!
and qihang is like in a month's time :/
wish me luck, or else i can just sit down here and die!
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl you can't conceal it
We know how you're feeling,
who you're thinking of
My head is screaming: get a grip girl
unless you're dying to cry your heart out
so tired :/
had paiju today at shaorou's house.
then when i came home i immediately fell asleep.
yest's sculpture walk was fun fun fun!
i really admire those people who did such nice pieces of artwork.
luckily we went marina.
i heard the singapore river and civic district one wasnt so nice.
and me, sarah and sandra had a nice time squeezing into two seats, while xiaobing and cinch were quietly enjoying their twisties while the tour guide said that eating wasnt allowed on the bus.
oh and sandra was abit cranky.
her bag had a packet of big bag, twisties, sweets, and six packets of pokka green tea.
we were so amused and we said she was a walking refrigerator, haha!
anyhow, we saw many many sculptures (:
and i love the water wheel, its so cool!
then we saw this ring like sculpture at suntec, but when you walk closer to observe, it isnt as round as it seemed from far.
after that we went to eat our brunch, we had only fifteen minutes.
so me sandra and sarah shared this plate of char kway teow. then cinch and xiaobing shared dessert.
in the end we bought another plate of chicken rice and five of us shared it, while watching the rerun of zi zun hong yan on tv.
anyway, we came to this place where all the sculptures are representing paintbrush strokes.
my favourite was the blue one with the waves.
then when i wanted to take a picture, this group of my classmates ran over, so i couldnt take it alone la.
then i was so pissed cos our teacher in charge wanted us to gather alr.
oh and after that we went to candy empire!
our whole class was practically trying to get 100g cos we kept going to weigh, and i bet i was the only one who got exactly 100g lor!
haha, wanted to get nerd rope for me and my sister.
however, anges was a poor bloke that day.
well, weien just talked to me about something very sad.
but like she said, all good things will eventually end,
i should treasure the times we had together.
i really hope we will have better times in time to come (:
back to disney-ing :D
For a moment life is cool
I'm a splash in the world's biggest pool
This is more than i thoughts ever thought it would be
For a moment
Just a moment
Lucky me
Stop right there
That's exactly where I lost it
See that line
Well I never should've crossed it
Who I am hates who I was, yes indeed.
how i hate my ignorance. eff, im really pissed.
its not my fault, i re-emphasize.
can you guys just STOP talking to me about it?
and im fine, i really am. well, what can i say?
blurt everything out and again be labelled as a loose mouth?
who's the one having a loose mouth here?
anw nobody can help me even if i told them anth.i dont have a problem with you. i seriously dont. nobody said i did.
so stop making yourself feel as if you are the victim and telling people who you are not close to about it. it does make a difference, whether people hear one side of the story, or they hear both.
i could have easily rebuted and told everyone everything, its my choice.
what can you do? but i chose not to.
youre not the only one who treasures our friendship, if you really do.
people tell me not to care.
i really want to listen to them, but its the position im in now that causes me to be in a dilemma. its a continuous journey, a tunnel full with obstacles which will never end.
i really want this to end, i act as if nothing has happened.
but nobody will understand. i dont want anyone to get hurt, again and again.
just like the way i got hurt. but who will believe me?
yes, i admit. i am jealous. jealous that people are on your side.
jealous that you can actually make my good friends who are on my side turn to stay neutral.
jealous that even when im trying to be at my best, people cant tell black from white.
what i can do now is just tell myself continually that i have to tolerate.
sooner or later, true colours show.
Sometimes it seems like you're falling
Falling out of the sky
Sometimes it feels like you're slipping
And running out of time
And that's when you've gotta throw it all away
All of the things that people say
And all of the doubts that fill your mind
Don't belong there
Forget the lies.
Numb the pain.
If these don't stop I'll go insane.
was supposed to go swimming with joanne and esti.
however, i slept til 11.14 and reckoned that they would have gotten up by 12.
so in the end i didnt go.
i ended up slacking the whole day, and was talking to dear lim siowyu on msn, and then on the phone for erm, almost an hour.
she was quite a poor thing, having to entertain me with all her lame jokes she got from readers digest.
and then we talked about some stuff.
she never fails to make my day!
so i continued slacking for the day until lifesaving, which was at 6.
enid, dino and i made such fools out of ourselves.
we started throwing rope, then dino wanted to throw the floats, so we kept the rope.
and then after awhile, we started to try balancing ourselves on the floats.
was super hilarious, the lifeguards on duty must be so entertained,
cos we sat on the floats and use only our hands to paddle to the other side.
but dino still did not know how to balance herself on the float.
we were screeching and screaming so loud even Mr Lim who was conducting his CPR lesson on land was staring at us la.
seriously, we pay for his lessons to go there and play :X
we shall be serious the next time ;D
anw im motivated by janice!
talked to her on msn just now.
i must cont to study study study, if not i'll be forced to drop my phys next year!
then i'll only have chem left to rely on, which is not exactly safe.
so i shall do well for all subjects.
aim for this term's L1R5: > 20so looking forward to field trip on thurs
well, at least we'll get a break from lessons.
HERE I COME, MY PUMA BAG (;
A post-it note is what I've got
It says 'I'm sorry' but I know you're not
i just saw something and im really irritated.
well, what can i do? im pms-ing, yet again.
what the fuck.
swimming with 3/8 of the monkeys: esti, joanne, siowyu and i.
i feel very you cheng jiu today again, cos i taught esti how to swim.
and shes progressing very fast!
this shows that im a good coach :D
and then esti and i went to buy H2O, and we left it on the seat, and that attracted so many ants. wahaha.
wow what a fast mood swing.
never mind that.
then after awhile, siowyu went off by herself, because she doesnt want to be too tan.
and at noon time we went up to bathe.
then we met cecilia at j8, and went to eat yoshi.
we were damn full la, but the power meal was worth it la, though both me and cecilias' scratch cards said:
thank you for your patronage and please come again!
when they stated on the card: Scratch 'n' Win.
haha we were so amused cos we scratched and won a message (:
yup, so joanne, cecilia and i proceeded on to go window shopping, while esti went somewhere along the purple line to go cut her hair.
we got stuck while standing in front of the tv watching wo de ye man nai nai, then i went browsing through all the same stuff again, TVB.
i dont seem to get sick of it, not at all.
then i realised that me and cecilia have quite the same taste, i still want that puma bag!
and i told her not to mind the less priviledged, haha.
well, im looking forward to swimming again tomorrow.
even three seconds mean so much to me,
i thank you for the half an hour.
There will come a day
When all of this is my in past
And there will come a day
When you're out of my head at last
I'm trying not to fall
Damn it's such a long way down
But here I am
dai du guo xie feng leng yv
chun nuan zai yan qian >
im super disappointed with myself for the two maths tests today!
so pek cek, i know how to do one lor..
then i think my face was very black after the tests.
having alot of moodswings these two days, for obvious reasons.
school ended at one today, and after school there was paiju.
all four jus were walking towards macs la, and all the jus were suppose to pai at kbcc.
but then in the end only got our ju and the mian bao ju pai-ing there.
dont knw where the other two went la.
and i realised that even two short lines requires alot of time for us to pai.
but then it made quite a big difference before and after la.
so the time wasnt wasted (:
anw, esti wants to go swimming!
and so, we are all going swimming tomorrow.
siowyu is especially happy because she claims that she needs to jian fei.
and i asked her the riddle that was being asked across the class today.
qn: what did black eyed peas say to the char kway teow man?
ans: my humps.
haha, so corny. but its quite funny when you come to think of it.
see, i mentioned you in my entry as well, thank me NOW.
im STILL missing truth alot.
we will likely have a gathering at sentosa, that was what i heard la.
not that im picky or what, im really not happy in faith.
i just dont get that class spirit feeling i had gotten in truth last year.
maybe its really because of the things that have happened.
but never mind, cos im trying my best to forget about everything.
its just that during certain lessons, i'll just have to ren.
to think that theres actually some people in the same boat as me.
luckily i have her, we can rely on each other (;
but at least i still have my wonderful tablemates la.
theyre just so, RA,
and downright careless!
some people made both of us end up late for lesson because she left her wallet in school, and had to run back from 262 bus stop to go get it.
HAHA, and then when the dinosaur ignored me cos i said something, i just told her: "you cant ignore me, we're swimming together later!"
then she burst out laughing.
then when she said something to make me ignore her, she used it on me also, i also burst out laughing.
somehow, it sounds funny la.
now i feel veh you cheng jiu!
i finally sewed on my belt when i got home today, after so long.
and then i sewed it on very neatly.
so im very happy (:
when i look as though i dont see,
im letting you know that ive gotten it over me.
when i seem as though i dont listen,
im actually paying close attention.
when i act as though i dont care,
it feels a thousand times worse in there.
when i want to say that youre still my good friend,
my mouth doesnt open, the sentences just end.
no matter what, i still have to say:
you mean alot to me, till this very day.
"my neighbour, he thinks im always wrong
but i will show him who is more tok kong!"
police and thief!
my major entertainment for tuesdays which cheers me up without fail (:
cca was quite fun today, we rehearsed almost the whole script quite fluently.
and it was damn cold in the drama studio today.
its either that, or we were all shivering due to nervousness, is there such a word?
then i kept laughing at the balek kampong. its the way shaorou says it la.
and i dont get whats so funny about the charcoal and teeth as white as bubblegum, i was trying so hard to control my laughter la.
its just not fair that niang and her niang gets to laugh, while i must give uncomfortable expressions. actually its quite hard for indian also la. haha.
anyway, i like maple's character!
super cute and funny with her trademark umbrella and all her paper bags.
couldnt stop laughing while watching them la.
yup, and we've finally decided on a ju ming, i think its not bad (:
shhhhhhhhhhh ~