Saturday, July 23, 2011
1:53 AM
Relapse.
I'm indulging in self-pity and feeling sorry for myself yet again. I guess there's really nothing that I can do well.
Nobody really understands.
1. My arm hurts. It's been hurting for about 3 weeks. Nobody's taking it seriously, just brushing it off. It hurts, when I bend it inwards all the way, when I lift heavy stuff, even when I straighten it or when I lift my hand to touch my face. But no one really cares.
2. I feel fat. No I'm not seeking attention or hoping that anyone will come and tell me "No you're damn skinny already please." I'm not. I've been sinfully indulging in alot of food, snacking even when I know I'm full and at the same time not putting in any effort when I train (or exercise for that matter).
3. I'm broke. No not til the extent whereby I have zero in my account. But my savings plan has just gone down the drain. Actually, it's not something recent. It's been going down for quite awhile. And I stil can't curb that shopping addiction.
4. I'm scared.
What if I do this so often so that nobody really cares about me when I'm feeling lousy anymore?
The problem with me, is that I give up on myself too easily all the time. Went for beach today, but I don't feel accomplished as I should, albeit the injuries and aches I sustained. Not strong mentally, at all. Feeling fat again. Been eating too much recently. Must make it a point to go for all 4 trgs this week. Must. Cannot be lazy Anges!Need to renew my PDL like asap! Expires today actually. I'm really a major procrastinator and I ought to be slapped. Not in a good mood today. All of it got ruined when I got home. Sometimes I wonder what kind of home am I returning to everyday. Think I should update more. This is a good platform to rant.