Sunday, January 27, 2013
What does it take to make or break this hint of love
Just attended my first friend's wedding last night. To be honest, I'm still quite surprised I got invited. Many people felt I shouldn't be there? Met a few acquaintences, the world is small indeed. Although I'm not personally that close to the groom or bride, I was quite overwhelmed when the bride's dad spoke.. I'm not usually that sensitive to things or people that are not so involved in my life, but I really can't bear seeing old people cry. And maybe at that point of time I was thinking about my dad, and how it would have felt to hear him say those words. Okay but overall it was a really enjoyable experience, especially with all the epic things my friends do/say. And PC's epic speech "Me too, thank you" and "I wanna thank myself for loving you".. damn hilarious please.
Anyway, got aligned by Jeriann again on Wednesday. She keeps telling me that I'm living in my head and not my body. That was like the third time alr. So I got so curious at night I texted her asking what she meant by that.. and our conversation went like that:
Me: Jeriann can I ask you, what does it mean by I'm living in my mind and not my body? (:
Jeriann: Thinking too much. Imagining too many things and not taking the appropriate actions to do the things you think you want to do. ;)
Me: oh I see.. how can I change that? (:
Jeriann: Ask yourself, silently, "How can I change that." the answer is already there. ;) quit doubting.
So scarily true. She's completely exposed me now. That's pretty much the way I handle my life. Imaginging things, doubting (others and myself).. But I'm resigned. Sometimes in life, it's really not so easy to pursue the things you want to. The pressing issue in my life right now is money. Everything revolves around money. And no this isn't a shallow statement. I need money when I eat, I need money when I travel (not even talking about travelling overseas). I'm already not spending much on the other unecessary stuff. What else can be done?
We need time, only time
Friday, January 11, 2013
Alone in the room
Thankful. Thankful to those that have rendered me help and support. Thankful for the people who sincerely want me to do well in whatever I do. Thankful for people who respect what I do and trust that I will do well.
Just when I've lost faith in this whole friendship thing, a few people have been so kind to me. I will remember you, every single one of you, and I will repay your kindness in every way I can.
Just went for this alpha alignment talk today. Still feeling quite skeptical about it.. Like it claims to be non-religious, but it takes the form of a religion. It all starts with belief doesn't it? I knew very well the reason why I didn't want to get aligned tonight. It wasn't because of how painful it looked (I knew it didn't hurt), I was scared. Scared of being exposed and stripped of that protective veil. Especially after I saw someone getting so emotionally overwhelmed till she was sobbing uncontrollably. It scared me. I didn't want him to be able to sense my thoughts. I felt I was entitled to that little bit of privacy. All of this got me thinking, do we actually know what's causing the blockage within us? I think we all do. We're just afraid to face up to it. At least I know that's the case for me. I'm definitely not doing what I like right now, but I chose to succumb to it.
Yup, that's my choice, at least for now (:
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
& I'll savour every moment of this
First post of 2013!
2012 has been full of ups and downs for me. Mostly downs now that I look at it. I didn't make any new year's resolutions which kinda sucked cos I don't feel like I've achieved anything? But it was a year of many firsts for me, and I've met many people that inadvertently became a very important part of me. I laughed a lot, but I cried way too many more times it scared me.
2013 will be a year of new beginnings. No more letting my guard down, no more letting myself get hurt, no more caring about people who don't give two hoots about me. No more letting myself get taken for granted.
In 2013, I resolve to
1. Take part in more biathlons and to do more 10km runs.
2. Find an interest in running
3. Balance CP and lifesaving
4. Read more books
5. Find a more stable part time job
6. Pass my SI retest
7. Spend more time with friends who are worth my time
8. Go overseas at least twice in 2013 (Visit Bkk/ Korea/ Taiwan/ HK)
9. Enjoy all my meals (no more wasting calories)
10. Go cable ski-ing again!
11. Party harder
12. Study harder
13. Manage my time better
14. Be a better person
15. Lose weight
16. To be able to do at least 3 pullups
17. Be a better girlfriend
I feel happy doing up my new year's resolutions! Bring it on, 2013 (: